It's On!

Someone(thing) dug up my shrub again! This time it was dragged halfway down the driveway. I don't get it. But, it's on! I've got nothing but free time for the next week so I can takeover on surveillance duty.

Not Just a Jewelry Dish

I've been getting massages for years. My mom always gets me gift certificates for Christmas and my birthday which are much appreciated. In fact, I don't think I've ever had to pay for my own massage. Fabulous.

It has only come to my attention in the past few months that you are supposed to tip your massage therapist. Blonde moment! Now, yes, they provide a service so I guess I should've thought of that, but sometimes people have to tell me these things.

The realization came to me when I was purchasing a gift certificate for a massage for a friend. I saw, printed at the bottom, "gratuities not included." Ahhh! So for massage, after massage, the poor therapists have been getting jipped. They probably think I'm the worst customer ever. I'm surprised I still get my post-massage tootsie roll.

Now mind you, there's a little ceramic dish that sits on a stool inside the room. I always assumed, since it's right by where you hang up your clothes, that it was to put your jewelry in. I even got a similar dish with cookies on it from a student for Christmas one year and it's now on my dresser...with jewelry in it! I guess maybe I should put it on my desk at work and put a sign on the classroom door that says, "Gratuities not included." What do you think would happen?

So, in case any of you are as stupid as me...it's not just a jewelry dish. You should tip them (if you want your tootsie roll).

Who Throws a Shoe?

Almost on a daily basis as I'm driving around town, I see a shoe laying in the street. I always wonder, how did it get there? I mean, did someone throw it out the window unbeknownst to the owner? Or perhaps the owner of the shoe did it on purpose. Maybe they had their foot hanging out the window and it fell off. It could be that it smelled so bad they had to get rid of it immediately. Maybe it was a child that was so mad at their mom or dad that they through their parent's gym shoe out the back window in a fit of rage. Who knows?

All of these possiblities swirl through my brain as I drive past these shoes. It's always a single shoe, no mate. Most often it's a tennis shoe, though the other day I saw a sandal.

If it were my shoe, and I knew it had been flung overboard, I would stop the car to retrieve it. That's what I've done for hubcaps in the past anyway. I mean, it's a shoe for Pete's sake! Wouldn't you want it back?

Someone is messing with me...

Saturday night at 9pm my sister and I planted shrubs by my driveway (no comments from the peanut gallery please, I do have a social life). Three shrubs were planted to be exact. Much labor was put into this, mind you. And those of you who know me know that I don't do physical labor.

Every day this week I have come home from work and the middle of the three shrubs has been dug up. ??? My neighbor has a golden retriever and I talked to her about it, the neighbor, not the dog, and she said that her dog isn't a digger. So tell me this, who's digging up my shrubbery?! A very large squirrel?

I'm getting tired of replanting it. I didn't really enjoy planting it in the first place. I'll have to set up a spy mission. I'll have Roberta do it.

Heartless

That's what I am. Whenever those precious little children park themselves outside of Wal-Mart or any store for that matter and try to sell me things, I totally dodge them. I try to go in a different door, I avoid eye contact, but my best trick, is faking a phone call. I know, I know, this is how heartless I am. It's terrible. But I can't bear to say no to them. That and the last thing I need is a pack of cookies.

If this is a common problem for you, I highly recommend this tactic. It's quite simple. You just pick up your phone and start talking, having a one-sided conversation. Just pray that the phone doesn't start ringing as you are "talking" on it. Then you're totally busted and you'll have to buy the whole lot of cookies, or toys, or whatever.

I do my part for mankind. And maybe I'm not heartless after all. Maybe I'm being kind by avoiding having to break their little hearts by telling them no. At least that's what I'll keep telling myself to feel better.