Dr. Doolittle

I don't know what it is.  I seem to attract wildlife.  This would be fine normally, but I seem to attract the wildlife in places where it shouldn't be.  

Growing up there was an incident with a pot-bellied pig in the front yard.  In college there were the bats in the dorm and the bevy of birds in my apartment.  Several years ago while driving to work, a mouse crawled out of the hood and appeared on the windshield.  Last year a squirrel was hanging out in my living room when I got home from work.  Today I came home and there was a bird in my garage.  

There are also two neighborhood cats, who happen to be doppelgangers of my two cats, that insist on sleeping on my deck.  This causes much ruckus in my home and inappropriate naughty behavior.

Why does this happen to me?  I never handle it well.  Sure, I like animals, but generally domesticated ones.  

A Good Night's Sleep

When I was a sophomore in college, there was a power surge in the apartment that I shared with my sister that killed my computer, tv, printer, and who knows what else.  Those are just the expensive things I can remember.  Needless to say, I had to buy a new tv.

My friend and I ventured out to Kmart to buy one.  I brought it home, after much distress of trying to load it in the car (why do we never think of these things when heading on such excursions?).  It was a delightful tv.  Brand new, built in tv guide and everything.  I still have this tv to this day, 8 years later.  

However, for the past 8 years, this tv has been haunted.  Every night at 3am it turns on to channel 46.  It's done this forever.  I've lived in 3 different cities and six different residences during this 8 years and it always remembers:  3am, channel 46!

In Manhattan it wasn't so bad because that channel was Nick at Nite.  Now, it's Discovery Health or something yucky so when I wake up and find it on, I'm lucky to not have my contacts in as babies are being birthed and tumors are being removed, etc.  Every night, it wakes me up and I turn it off.  It's always a good opportunity to go to the bathroom, but really?

BUT, yesterday I was fiddling with the clever built-in guide that has become not so clever in it's old age when I stumbled across a new menu I'd never seen before.  After punching several buttons I found that my tv has had a recording set for 3am, channel 46, for years!  Now tell me why it needs to be on to do this alleged recording?  And how does it plan on recording anything with no DVR or VCR.  And furthermore, who set this recording?  Grrr.  Regardless, I turned the stupid scheduled recording off and last night, for the first time in years....I slept through the night.  

Busted!

Well the mystery of the uprooting shrub has been solved. I came home to this last night. This is my neighbor's dog. Poor Callie. She knows not what she does. See how she hangs her head in shame?

It's On!

Someone(thing) dug up my shrub again! This time it was dragged halfway down the driveway. I don't get it. But, it's on! I've got nothing but free time for the next week so I can takeover on surveillance duty.

Not Just a Jewelry Dish

I've been getting massages for years. My mom always gets me gift certificates for Christmas and my birthday which are much appreciated. In fact, I don't think I've ever had to pay for my own massage. Fabulous.

It has only come to my attention in the past few months that you are supposed to tip your massage therapist. Blonde moment! Now, yes, they provide a service so I guess I should've thought of that, but sometimes people have to tell me these things.

The realization came to me when I was purchasing a gift certificate for a massage for a friend. I saw, printed at the bottom, "gratuities not included." Ahhh! So for massage, after massage, the poor therapists have been getting jipped. They probably think I'm the worst customer ever. I'm surprised I still get my post-massage tootsie roll.

Now mind you, there's a little ceramic dish that sits on a stool inside the room. I always assumed, since it's right by where you hang up your clothes, that it was to put your jewelry in. I even got a similar dish with cookies on it from a student for Christmas one year and it's now on my dresser...with jewelry in it! I guess maybe I should put it on my desk at work and put a sign on the classroom door that says, "Gratuities not included." What do you think would happen?

So, in case any of you are as stupid as me...it's not just a jewelry dish. You should tip them (if you want your tootsie roll).

Who Throws a Shoe?

Almost on a daily basis as I'm driving around town, I see a shoe laying in the street. I always wonder, how did it get there? I mean, did someone throw it out the window unbeknownst to the owner? Or perhaps the owner of the shoe did it on purpose. Maybe they had their foot hanging out the window and it fell off. It could be that it smelled so bad they had to get rid of it immediately. Maybe it was a child that was so mad at their mom or dad that they through their parent's gym shoe out the back window in a fit of rage. Who knows?

All of these possiblities swirl through my brain as I drive past these shoes. It's always a single shoe, no mate. Most often it's a tennis shoe, though the other day I saw a sandal.

If it were my shoe, and I knew it had been flung overboard, I would stop the car to retrieve it. That's what I've done for hubcaps in the past anyway. I mean, it's a shoe for Pete's sake! Wouldn't you want it back?

Someone is messing with me...

Saturday night at 9pm my sister and I planted shrubs by my driveway (no comments from the peanut gallery please, I do have a social life). Three shrubs were planted to be exact. Much labor was put into this, mind you. And those of you who know me know that I don't do physical labor.

Every day this week I have come home from work and the middle of the three shrubs has been dug up. ??? My neighbor has a golden retriever and I talked to her about it, the neighbor, not the dog, and she said that her dog isn't a digger. So tell me this, who's digging up my shrubbery?! A very large squirrel?

I'm getting tired of replanting it. I didn't really enjoy planting it in the first place. I'll have to set up a spy mission. I'll have Roberta do it.