Thanks, Facebook!

If you're a member of Facebook, you know that on the right panel there are "Friend Suggestions." A lot of the time these are people that you've gone to high school or college with, or sometimes they are friends of friends. I've always wondered exactly how they, being Facebook, come to make these suggestions as sometimes they are a little creepy.

Take today for example. Today I had two new friend suggestions. Both of them were guys I had been on blind dates with. Both of the dates were less than awesome. Both were guys I no longer talk to anymore.

How does Facebook know this? Big Brother, much? Needless to say, no, I don't want to be friends with these guys and I sincerely hope that the dozen other date rejects don't start showing up. I don't need to relive that again. So thanks, but no thanks, Facebook. I appreciate your suggestions...most of the time.

$30 Dip

Today I went to the grocery store to buy supplies for a new dip I'm trying for Thanksgiving. Per usual, I had to buy all the ingredients on the list and the grand total for this measly dip...$30! This better be some darn good dip!

Granted I don't cook much so I don't already have things like balsamic vinegar and cayenne pepper, but good gravy! This is exactly why I don't cook! If I have to spend $30 for every meal...or appetizer, no thank you. I'll stick to my $3 Lean Cuisines.

Tis the Season

Salvation Army bell ringers. Yes, they serve a purpose. I appreciate the good they are doing for the world, but at the same time I am not ashamed to admit they are driving me bananas! And it's not even Thanksgiving yet!

They are posted at every entrance to every store, everywhere. They ring their bell and give me that look like, "Shouldn't you be putting money in my little red pot?" Now let's be honest, I'm walking into a store to spend money, so I should be putting money into the pot, but I don't. There are so many of them if I gave to one, I'd feel obligated to give to them all. I enjoy the people who say, "I'll catch you on the way out." Right.

Now, let's say I gave $1 to every bell ringer I saw. I'd be broke before Thanksgiving! Giving a dime to them all would be more reasonable, but can you imagine the look of disdain I would receive as my change plinked into the bucket. I think once you donate you should receive a button saying, "I donated."

And then there are those times when you think you've made an escape and managed to find that one door that's unattended. You see the bucket, but there's no ringer, so you quickly park and make a mad dash for the door. But then, out of nowhere, the ninja bell ringer appears as though they've been lurking in the shadows waiting for you.

And the incessant ringing! Can't they just agree to ring once a minute? Instead of the constant ringing, ringing, ringing. I know, tell us how you really feel, right? I'm just saying.

Whew. I feel better. Thanks. Now I'm going to go get a 4th job so I can afford the Salvation Army. Happy Holidays!

To "Sesame Street" or not to "Sesame Street"

Today, while babysitting at Jazzercise, my usual set of kiddos were doing their usual activity: making me "food." This activity consists of them asking me what I'd like and they scrounge it up out of the play food area and serve it to me. (Why isn't this reality?)

Around the 3rd order I decided I wanted a cheeseburger. I was given two choices of buns: "With sesame streets, or without sesame streets?" Apparently "sesame streets" are what they put on the buns for adults. Happy meals do not come with these, they do however come with a toy.

I learn so much from moments such as these.

Another Blonde Moment

Scene One: A Grocery Store
I had bought all my groceries, done a great job of being green by bringing my own bags, and the sacker had bagged all my groceries. I bought the usual items: frozen dinners, Diet Coke, and a special treat, some popcorn.

Scene Two: Home
I unpack the groceries and discover that my popcorn isn't in the bag. I am disappointed as I was looking forward to this tasty treat. This isn't the first time I've purchased something and it hasn't made it into the bag and I know that if I bring my receipt back to the store, they'll give me my missing item. I'm too lazy and move on.

Fast forward several weeks.

Scene Three: Home
I am packing my lunch before work when I reach into the freezer and what do I discover? My popcorn! (sheepish grin)

Dear Thighs,

I've noticed your hard work lately in trying to hold my pants up by expanding your girth, however, this is not your job. Your job is to remain slim and trim and to look awesome. While I appreciate your effort in going above and beyond, it's been a while since I remember you doing your job. Please leave it to the belts.

Sincerely,

Self-esteem

Compliment: You're Doing it Wrong.

Today I was standing outside my classroom door, greeting my students, when a colleague approached me and said, "Wow. You look comfy today." To which I replied, "Wow. That doesn't sound like a compliment." (I know, sarcastic, but c'mon!)

She then started to backpedal. "No, no! I like your pants."

Yeah. And you look fat in that dress.