Not Ideal Conditions

Somehow I got sucked into babysitting/housesitting for the past 24 hours. It didn't sound like such a bad deal when the mom said that I could stay out as late as I wanted and "even bring my boyfriend." Yeah, right.

After I stayed out as late as I wanted last night, ahem 11:00pm, I came home to find the girls (age 12) already asleep. I readied myself for bed, got all tucked in and it was then that I noticed a strange beeping sound. This short beep would occur once a minute. I was tired, it was dark, and I didn't have my glasses on so I wasn't about to go stumbling around trying to figure out the source of this noise, but I figured it was either a) a dying smoke detector or 2) a carbon monoxide detector and we'd all be dead by morning. At any rate, I closed my eyes.

Did I mention it beeped once a minute? Yeah. All. Night. Long. Now I've already had the Phoebe experience in my own home when the damn thing has awoken me and you stumble around to find it only to have it take you on in a war of who beeps last. So I simply let this one beep itself to death. Except it never died. It's still beeping once a minute right now, 24 hours later.

So that was one aspect of the conditions of this home. Another was the smell of rotting food in the house. Something had clearly died in the fridge so I steered clear of there, but I also narrowed the source to the pile of black bananas that were so rotten they had oozed out of their peels. I decided a PB & J sandwich would be safe for breakfast.

I held my breath to snatch the jelly out of the fridge, made my sandwich and was about finished when I noticed mid-chew that I had been eating half-moldy bread. Gulp. In the trash, off to play soccer mom.

We didn't win the game but the girls played hard and got sweaty. We had no time to run home between sports so they had to change into volleyball uniforms in the back of the car. One of them said, "I'm sorry, my feet might really stink." Understatement.

With the windows rolled down we cruised down US-69 and I deposited them at their next event. I was off to a baby shower. All the the rest of the afternoon I'm thinking, "how does it still stink so damn bad in here?" Car is parked in the sun, nasty. It isn't until I get home that I realize her funk-nasty soccer cleats were riding around with me all day under the seat. Febreze!

So, after a hefty dose of penicillin and a strong test of my patience, I'm home. A few pounds heavier and exhausted.

Awkward!

So I'm walking into Target, my third one of the day (hey, when you're on a mission, you're on a mission!), when I approach the automatic doors. I'm being followed at an appropriate pace by a gentleman about my age and about three feet taller. I always use the automatic doors because, why not? As I come to these set of doors I fully expect them to open...automatically. Alas, they do not so I come face to face, literally, with the glass. Shortly thereafter, the man, fully expecting me to have gone through the doors seconds before, is now butt to face..er crotch... with me. We stand there for what feels like an entire minute maybe hoping that by some will of God the door will open, at which point I finally say the only thing that feels appropriate for this close encounter with both the door and each other, "Awk-ward." We giggle and step to the left to enter through the self-service set of doors. If you want something done, you have to do it yourself.

Wanted: Cat Whisperer

This is a 17 lb. cat. You will see from the photo that his favorite place to sleep is on the toilet. Granted it is one of the yucky ones with the cushions, but he barely fits his stocky self on there. Now, here's my beef with this situation: he craps next to the toilet, pees in the sink, yet sleeps on the toilet. Do you think if I leave the lid open he will use the toilet like a big boy? A la Jinxy?

Violation?

Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart. In a miracle of miracles I was able to walk out with only a package of dental floss. This has never happened to me before. My measly purchase came to a grand total of $0.96. I handed over my dollar, thinking of where I could go next to spend the money I didn't end up spending at Wal-Mart. I had my wallet's change pocket unzipped and my hand open, ready to receive my change, when the clerk reached over my hand and placed my 4 cents directly into my wallet. This is weird, right? I should feel violated? Because I did. I laughed uncomfortably and answered no, I did not need a bag and left. This seems like something they should address in Wal-Mart etiquette.

Dental Orneriness

I was at the dentist earlier this week. I love my dentist and the dental hygienists who work there. One of the nice things about this place is that they give you the suction device to hold, so that you aren't sitting there, drowning in your own spit. But, let me ask you this...have you ever thought about, when their face is directly above yours and you're holding that suction, just sticking it to their face? Right up their nose? In their ear? I did. Think about it that is. I guess that's what happens when you go to the dentist after working with 12-year-olds all day long.

Words of Encouragement

I found this post-it in my pocket. Not sure where it came from or who wrote it, but I'm glad we are in agreement.

Making Something Out of Nothing

I babysit every Friday at Jazzercise. Doing so allows me to get my Jazzercise classes for free. Normally I only have two kids and they are very self-sufficient with the occasional sibling quarrel.

Yesterday I showed up and their mother, the instructor, said, "Good luck with that babysitting room." Hmmm. I entered the room and, you can see from the picture, good luck indeed.

They are remodeling our center and in the process, removed every single toy from the babysitting room. I guess they forgot that there was just the one more class before the weekend? Or maybe they just didn't care.

Luckily I only had the two kids and with the help of several exercise balls, one of which met its demise that day, one plastic football ring, and three plastic McDonald's toys, we had a jolly good time. How we managed to pop the ball with absolutely nothing else in the room is pondersome.

Some entertaining phrases that were exchanged: The little boy to me, "You get the big blue ball because you're big." This is something you never say to a woman. "Are you a teenager or a grownup?" I took this one as a compliment.